Ep 44: Wisdom From Our Mothers And Lessons of Money We Carry With Us
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In this heartfelt episode, we celebrate Mother's Day by reflecting on the lessons learned from our mothers, particularly in the context of financial education and cultural influences.
We discuss the unique challenges faced by immigrant mothers in raising children in a new country, the importance of open conversations about money, and the role of mentorship in empowering the next generation.
The conversation emphasizes the universal values of motherhood and the significance of sharing knowledge across generations.
Some key takeaways
Lessons from our mothers often include important financial wisdom.
Cultural influences can change the way we approach motherhood.
Navigating parenting as immigrants presents unique challenges.
Open conversations about money are crucial for financial literacy.
Adapting financial lessons for the next generation is essential.
Tune in to find out who is saving for their daughter's wedding, just like their mother did.
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the International Money Cafe Podcast, the show where we filter out the noise on cross-border taxes, finances, and life in the us. I'm your host Jen, me from Certified Financial Planner, founder and owner of Elgon Financial Advisors.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
And I'm your host, man, Nadi, enrolled agent, owner and founder of M and Tax and Business Services. Join us on this journey as we explore the unique challenges faced by inbound outbound families and businesses on taxes, compliance, and financial planning. Let's get to the show.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
We are back with another really special episode. In today's episode. We are going to celebrate Mother's Day. Now in the US Mother's Day is celebrated the second week of May, and it's really a day to celebrate mothers everywhere. But to us it's a day to celebrate not only our mothers, but all women in our lives, basically anybody who's had an impact on us one way or the other. 'cause as you know, there's a saying, it takes a village and it really does take a village, especially when you're an immigrant in a brand new country where you don't have your real village around you. And so I know you're used to hearing us talk a lot about, you know, complicated tax stuff, which is what we've done the last couple months. So today we're just gonna make it a little bit lighter. And because Mana and I are mothers and just talk about Mother's Day, I'm not quite sure where this episode will go. So we just have to play it by year and see what comes out of it. But I know there's a lot to talk about because we've had so many lessons about life and about finances from our moms. And so, okay, mana, where do you wanna go with this one?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, so remember, you know what we started to talk about? This was when Chewy <laugh>,
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
You know, chewy is our, or rather it's Jane's puppy, her, her dog. And we found out sometime around March or April that Chewy is gonna be a mom. So she's a hypo allele dog, and she doesn't shed or she sheds very little. And then that's how Jane and the Mephis got her. And we found out she was gonna be a new dog, which, well, a new mom. So that's when we started talking about this episode. So really, you know, mother's Day, for us, our experiences are really special, I think. And that kind of goes without saying for a lot of people like us who are immigrants. And especially if you were here in your twenties and you know, you came here as adults in a way. Yes. But then you were also growing up here for that part where you are navigating not only your life as an immigrant in another country, but then you are also learning how to be a new mom, maybe in a different country where the blueprint, so to speak, about how to be a mother.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It was because mostly you would've watched your mom be a mother to you or you know, your aunts and your grandmother, maybe your family. But here the blueprint is change. And you are again, also in navigating cultural influences and the outside input on your children. So how do you go about that? How do you be a good mom in, well, a mother in taking all of this into consideration and at the same time stay connected to your roots, to the values that you hold, important to the traditions that you hold important and maybe is important to your family as well. So, well, thinking really about that, I guess, whether you are a daughter or your mother, or the relationship between important women in our lives and our mothers and our daughters, it's the basic human values and connections remain universal no matter where you are. But in today's context, we would like to explore us as immigrants and being in the US and being mothers and how our mothers influenced how we thought about money and finances. Maybe a little bit of that as well, right, Jane?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah. And it kinda brings to mind, I actually have a post I wrote a while back called Money Lessons from my Mom. And thinking of some of the lessons, there's two lessons I write about. And I think that really explains really what she taught me about money. She's obviously, she obviously taught me a lot about other things in life. So those two things she said to me, one was, don't quote unquote eat your future <laugh> because your future self is not going to be happy. Which to me really came down to always save, save, save. 'cause you do need to save for the future. It's a key lesson. The other one she talked to me about, and this one is really when I thought about it, part of the reason I do what I do, she said to me or to us was, is something impacts you daily and think about money impacting you daily, then you need to learn about that subject such that you can make good decisions for yourself and not have to rely on others.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And a big part of this is because we grew up, we were in an environment that was very male dominated. And so if we, and I'm counting myself in the group as women did not understand things about money, for example, or you did not have control over that, it was just gonna put you in a bad situation. And so I kind of took that lesson and ran with it, and it's like, money impacts every part of my life, and so I'm gonna learn all I can about it. And I kinda added to it to also say, I'm gonna teach others about it, starting with my kids. And I have a story about my kids a little bit later. And to me, when I think of Mother's Day and celebrating all these women, that's what comes to mind some of the lessons that I learned from my mom. Can you think of any lessons for you, man?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Oh, oh, definitely. For me, growing up, you know, for me and my brother growing up, my father traveled a lot. So we moved around India quite a bit as children. And whenever I think about that, about how often we were uprooted from one city into another, and even though at that time we were still in the same country, but being that it was India, you know, it could be culturally really different from one place to another. So for me, my mom brought a sense of stability, like to, no matter where we were, there was something there that was just so grounded and could be was like, you know, the beacon sort of what would not change for us, you know? So that was something for me that I still, I appreciate in a way that I want to bring that to my kids as well.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
And really, my mom has a, she's the most disciplined person I know. She has the most disciplined approach to everything, whether it is her daily habits or life in general, or finances. And I still remember, you know, she had this notebook in which she wrote, and she balanced her books every night. And she was very careful about saving for a rainy day. And, and culturally, you know, for us it was, you know, putting something away for your daughter's wedding and to be, to make sure that there was something there that could be relied upon was that was very important to her. So from all that that I saw, you know, for me, my mom, when I'm, when, and I, and I tell her this, that, you know, when I think about how she raised us, even though I was in India, there are so many things that I can learn from that and bring to our life here in the us.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
You know, the way that I'm now raising my children or, well, my children are in their twenties, so they're all grown up, but raised them and maybe I'm still growing up with them, I guess. <laugh>. Hey dear, I'm cna. Let me tell you a little story. Coincidentally, when I started my practice, it was the same year in which FATCA was passed into law. FATCA stands for Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act. The government started to crack down on those who had financial assets overseas and were not compliant in disclosing these funds to the US government. The FinCEN Fbar filing requirement has been around since 1970, since the Bank Secrecy Act was passed. Well, even though it has been more than 10 years since these laws were passed, we still have many, many US taxpayers who may have the filing requirement but are completely unaware of it. <laugh>, I'm talking about that joint account with your dad, with over 10 k back home. So this is in fact our most frequently asked question. We've put together a comprehensive free ebook, which goes over the most important compliance requirements for overseas financial assets. And we want you, IMC listener to have this ebook completely free. All you need to do is go to our website, www the im cafe.com, and scroll to the bottom of the homepage and enter your first name and email address and you will be able to download this handy ebook. Now, hurry, go get your free and fabulous download.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
So I actually have a quick question. Your mom would be saving for the girl's wedding. Are you saving for your daughter's wedding?
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Oh, yes, yes I am. Oh, oh, yes, yes. Because you know
Speaker 1 (11:10):
What, we have to talk about that. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
And yeah, <laugh>
Speaker 1 (11:18):
And, and so that, that, that's, that's, that's really is interesting because when you think about the way we do things now, let's talk about, you know, the us.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Yeah,
Speaker 1 (11:29):
It's not okay. Who saves for the girl's wedding? Well, let me say where it come from. The groom's family pays for everything, ah, in the US and I think it may be a little similar to what you're doing, it would be the girls' parents. And so we have lots of these kind of conversations. And honestly, I found it challenging to raise kids here. It's a real struggle. And maybe, maybe the word I'll use is not a struggle. It's more about navigating two very different environments, wanting to bring up the kids with the same values that I grew up with, but also really wanting to modify some of it so they can succeed, right? Mm-hmm <affirmative>.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Mm-hmm
Speaker 1 (12:18):
<affirmative>. Somebody the other day, I think you and I had a conversation about this. We were talking about our identity and our identity as mothers, as immigrants, and what we figured or what came out of the conversation, it's an ongoing conversation, is that we, like Manasa and I, who grew up in a completely different environment in another country, we identify ourselves as immigrants. But for all kids who were born in the US, this may not be the case. They identify themselves fast as being US born. Nothing wrong with that. But you can already see where the challenge is coming in, where I want to teach them the way my mother taught me, but also understanding they may not appreciate it or they're looking at it through very different lenses. And so one thing I found is, one, obviously acknowledging the differences and having lots and lots of conversations. Having the willingness to be a student, like being able to look at things through their eyes, being empathetic to what they're going through, and having people like Humana. So, you know, to talk about, I think of Manasa as my sister from my other mother, to really talk about some of the challenges that we are going through so we can get through the whole mothering journey together and be able to produce, is produce the right word, you know, successful kids, right? <laugh>. Yeah. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
That is definitely, uh, like you said, a challenge. And I think also it comes from the fact that we can see it, you know, we can see that it's a challenge and we are ready to address it. And that's also important I think, in my mind. And to, you know, to, to your point earlier about saving up for the wedding wedding, I say this, you know what, that's not a pressure. That's just money. I'm setting aside. If you wanted to use it for something else, it's there, you know, or maybe not. Like it's just all mine, but it's there. You know, it's all in a piggy bank in another place, in an index fund, maybe <laugh>. So, but speaking about women who had impact on our lives, and that's mutual. There's Jane, there's so much I learned from you and, you know, really mothering, womanhood, sisterhood, children.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
It's just so universal. It doesn't matter from what, what background you are from, there's so many things that are just above and beyond this cultural differences, really. And I feel at times that, that even though now my children are adulting <laugh> to so to, to speak, yeah. But we have so much to learn from them that we also learn from our mother. So it's, it's really a nice and happy position to be in if you look at it that way. We have a window into the lives of millennials in Gen Z, and maybe we wouldn't have had that window if it wasn't for them, or if it wasn't for the presence of a millennial or a Gen Z in your life, if you not necessarily have given birth to them. You know? But it's a great opportunity for me whenever I have any younger person with me, is I always talk about starting early with savings, dollar cost averaging into index funds.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
You know, putting money away into a Roth IRA or a 401k, just basically making smart money moves. And because I feel, when I think about when I came to the US I was in my twenties, and of course, you know, I didn't have access to the kind of money that the younger people in my life now have or my children now have. And the, those were completely different sets of challenges. But I can combine that with the fact that I know more about what you can do with your finances now and, you know, talk about that really. And so, 'cause we do that so much on this podcast, right? And
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Saying, right.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
I'm, I'm actually like nodding my head vigorously agreeing with everything you are saying. Yes, yes. As part of
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Being, you have to tell that to people who don't see us on YouTube, but that's
Speaker 1 (17:03):
True. Yes. Yeah. Speaking of, you know, thinking of what you had to learn and what our kids have, it's such a huge difference. You were in a different country, you've had to learn in a new country. And for me, this was crystallized, I think it was in, in December, I, uh, my daughter offered, my youngest offered to do cute a blog post. Cute. It
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Was one of the best, yes. People go read that,
Speaker 1 (17:28):
We'll put a link to the show notes. And she talked a lot about what she learned about money from me and what was so interesting. I literally took classes at Petar from my parents, modified them for the us. Again, we don't have a blueprint, you know, do you know how to go about it? But figured if I can model the behavior, if I can use every opportunity as a learning opportunity, hopefully she'll learn something. So what was so interesting about the Post, and I'm looking at it here, she literally went back to like six or seven years old and she talked about, you know, my early money memories where we talked about save, spend, and give. The one lesson that I thought was so interesting that she talked about is she said, money is not given but on. And went on to talk about the positive relationship she's had with money and advanced lessons. Like it was a, a whole story about all the lessons. And she also wasn't afraid to say, I still struggle with some of the money issues, or there's still so much more to learn. And for me it was almost like it was a very proud moment, but it, it also told me there's still more to be done. I shouldn't be afraid to teach them the best way that I know how, even though maybe that's not how my parents may have taught me. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Because you, you, we are always adapting, you know?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Mm-hmm
Speaker 2 (19:11):
<affirmative>. It's, you have a blueprint, so to speak, but it cannot be implemented just as it is because the whole set of circumstances are different. And to be very honest with you, when I go back to India now, and it's no longer the India where I grew up, you know, it's, it's not like my friends or the women who are of my age, or the people who are of my, our generation, the way they are bringing up their kids. It's, they don't have a blueprint either, you know? But maybe culturally, geographically they are in the same place. So how does one adapt to change? I think that's very important, right? Like especially from a money frame of mind and Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah. So that being said, you know, I think, you know what I read about Maya Angelou quite a lot and, and I know that Oprah Winfrey, who considered Maya Angelou as one of her mother figures, and Oprah doesn't have her own kids and she's mentored, so mm-hmm <affirmative>. Many people that it's unbelievable. And she says something, I think there's a quote that she says is biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. So that is something that I think about that, you know, if you are lucky enough, and I think you and I are, we are lucky to be, have a group of people who are, uh, friends who are now our extended family, or you are just lucky still that you, your entire family is here in the US and you are all connected. But do you know when, even as, as outside adult figures in a young person's life, if you are a mother or an aunt or you know, one of those people, I think it's very important to talk about money openly. You know, my, my brother, he takes his role as uncle very seriously in my children's lives. So he's, especially, especially around career advice and money advice and all that. So yeah, that, I think like open conversations, like you said about money is important.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
It's really key. Yeah. And especially when you also think about their cultures that don't talk about money. Yeah. Or talk about it differently. And so as mothers and as women around our kids to help our kids succeed, we really have to realize how important this is. And so as we talk to them about life, we also have to somehow overcome, you know, some of those mental and cultural barriers that stop us from talking to our kids about money, for example, and know we don't have to have the perfect formula or the perfect blueprint. And to me, this is really a way of celebrating motherhood in ensuring our kids succeed in life. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, totally. I a hundred percent agree with you on that, Jane. You know, when we are talking about unconscious money scripts, I guess that we have maybe inherited somehow, and it could be good, it could not be so great. I'm not going to say that they are bad. 'cause you know, each person is unique in how they look at things. But it's also important to, I guess, as mothers, to think about the influence that you have in your children's lives or, you know, in your, in people's lives around you, where you keep the channels of communication open. Maybe even talk about your challenges, because then maybe you could address it together and maybe unravel those money scripts which are not working for you, and Yeah. Right.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Yeah, I, I agree. And like I said, I, I would, I said, we'll see where this conversation goes. We started with, I know with, with celebrating motherhood because it's Mother's Day and it's a great topic. Yeah. And it's interesting that we've come down to, you know, talking about the lessons we learned from our moms and how we can take some of those lessons. And of course everybody has their own different lessons. And also now going into manuscripts, which is really how we brought we grew up, which goes back to I guess how our mothers brought us up. So I think this is an interesting topic, and my thought is, or my thing is, everybody can do this, right? You don't have to be an expert, I suppose.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
So go out and celebrate motherhood by mentoring a young person is a conclusion I'm coming down to. They could be your kids or not kid, but it doesn't matter. Just go out and mentor somebody in that way. You are a good womanhood or motherhood figure for them. Anything else?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Oh wow. I just love that idea. I just love that idea, Jane, to find somebody that you can mentor and maybe help out with their questions around money, and that's amazing. I love it. I think there's nothing that I can say right now that could top that, but definitely celebrating motherhood for all of those mothers, biological or not, or mother figures or adult figures in other young children's or young people's lives. Wishing you the very, very, very happy day Mother's Day, and hope this conversation helps you a little bit. Thanks for listening. Bye bye.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Thank you for listening to the International Money Cafe podcast. The content is for informational and educational purposes only, and should not be used as a substitute for professional advice. Seek the advice of your qualified service provider with any questions you may have regarding your cross border finances and tax needs.
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The speakers' views and opinions discussed in this episode should not be considered financial, tax, or legal advice. Consult your advisor for any legal, cross-border tax, and financial advice.