Ep 44: Wisdom From Our Mothers And Lessons of Money We Carry With Us
Listen & Subscribe
dark+apple dark+spotify dark+youtube
In this heartfelt episode, we celebrate Mother's Day by reflecting on the lessons learned from our mothers, particularly in the context of financial education and cultural influences.
We discuss the unique challenges faced by immigrant mothers in raising children in a new country, the importance of open conversations about money, and the role of mentorship in empowering the next generation.
The conversation emphasizes the universal values of motherhood and the significance of sharing knowledge across generations.
Some key takeaways
Lessons from our mothers often include important financial wisdom.
Cultural influences can change the way we approach motherhood.
Navigating parenting as immigrants presents unique challenges.
Open conversations about money are crucial for financial literacy.
Adapting financial lessons for the next generation is essential.
Tune in to find out who is saving for their daughter's wedding, just like their mother did.
Episode Links & Resources
Are you Tax-compliant With Your Overseas Assets? - Free Guide - Scroll to the bottom of the page.
If you'd like to work with us on your finances or taxes, check out the process
Be sure to join the conversation! Follow us on Social Media!
-
Jane Mepham, CFP® (00:05)
We are back with another really special episode. In today's episode, we're going to celebrate Mother's Day. Now in the US, Mother's
Day is celebrated the second week of May, and it's really a day.
to celebrate mothers everywhere. But to us, it's a day to celebrate not only our mothers, but all women in our lives. Basically anybody who's had an impact on us one way or the other. Because as you know,
There's a saying, it takes a village and it really does take a village, especially when you're an immigrant in a brand new country where you don't have your real village around you. And so I know you're used to hearing us talk a lot about, you know, complicated tax stuff, which is what we've done the last couple of months. So today we're just going to make it a little bit lighter in because Manasa and I are mothers and just talk about.
Mother's Day. I'm not quite sure where this episode will go. So we'll just have to play it by ear and see what comes out of it. But I know there's a lot to talk about because we've had so many lessons about life and about finances from our moms. so, okay, Manasa, where do you want to go with this one?
Manasa Nadig, EA (01:19)
Yeah. So remember, you know, when we started to talk about this was when Chewie,
Chewie is our, or rather it's Jane's puppy, her dog. And we found out sometime around March or April that Chewie is going to be a mom. So she's a hyper-allergenic dog and she doesn't shed.
or she sheds very little. And then that's how Jane and the Mephams got her. And we found out she was going to be a new mom. So that's when we started talking about this episode. really, Mother's Day for us, our experiences are really special, I think. And that kind of goes without saying for a lot of people like us who are immigrants.
especially if you were here in your 20s and you came here as adults in a way, yes, but then you were also growing up here for that part where you are navigating not only your life as an immigrant in another country, but then you're also learning how to be a new mom maybe in a different country where the blueprint
so to speak, about how to be a mother. was because mostly you would have watched your mom be a mother to you or your aunts and your grandmother, maybe your family. But here the blueprint has changed and you're again also navigating cultural influences and the outside input on your children. So how do you go about that? How do you be a good mom?
a mother in taking all of this into consideration and at the same time stay connected to your roots, to the values that you hold important, to the traditions that you hold important and maybe is important to your family as well. well, thinking really about that, I guess, whether you're a daughter or your mother or
the relationship between important women in our lives and our mothers and our daughters. It's the basic human values and connections remain universal no matter where you are. But in today's context, we would like to explore us as immigrants and being in the US and being mothers and how our mothers influenced.
how we thought about money and finances, maybe a little bit of that as well, right, Jane?
Jane Mepham, CFP® (03:49)
Yeah, and it kind of brings to mind I actually have a post I wrote a while back called money lessons from my mom and Thinking of some of the lessons is two lessons. I write about and I think that really explains Really what she taught me about money. she obviously taught me a lot about other things in life So those two things she said to me one was
Don't quote unquote eat your future.
because your future self is not going to be happy, which to me really came down to always save, save, save, because you do need to save for the future. It's a key lesson. The other one she talked to me about, this one is really, when I've thought about it, part of the reason I do what I do, she said to me or to us was, if something impacts you daily and think about money impacting
you daily, then you need to learn about that subject such that you can make good decisions for yourself and not have to rely on others. a big part of this is because we grew up, we were in an environment that was very male dominated and so if we, and I'm counting myself in the group as women, did not understand things about money for example,
or you did not have control over that, it was just going to put you in a bad situation. And so I kind of took that lesson and ran with it. And it's like money impacts every part of my life. And so I'm going to learn all I can about it. And I kind of add it to it to also say, I'm going to teach others about it, starting with my kids. And I have a story about my kids a little bit later. And to me,
When I think of Mother's Day and celebrating all these women, that's what comes to mind, some of the lessons that I learned from my mom. Can you think of any lessons for you, Manasa?
Manasa Nadig, EA (05:45)
definitely. For me growing up, for me and my brother growing up, my father traveled a lot. So we moved around India quite a bit as children. And whenever I think about that, about how often we were uprooted from one city into another, and even though at that time we were still in the same country, but
being that it was India, it could be culturally really different from one place
Jane Mepham, CFP® (06:15)
Sure.
Manasa Nadig, EA (06:15)
to another. So for me, my mom brought a sense of stability, to no matter where we were, there was something there that was just so grounded and could be, was like the beacon sort of of what would not change for us. So that was something for me that I still
I appreciate in a way that I want to bring that to my kids as well. And really, my mom's has a, she's the most disciplined person I know. She has the most disciplined approach to everything, whether it is her daily habits or life in general or finances. And I still remember, you know, she had this notebook in which she wrote and she balanced her books.
every night. And she was very careful about saving for a rainy day. And culturally, for us, was putting something away for your daughter's wedding and to make sure that there was something there that could be relied upon. That was very important to her. So from all that that I saw, for me, my mom, when I'm,
And I tell her this, that when I think about how she raised us, even though I was in India, there are so many things that I can learn from that and bring it to our life here in the US. The way that I'm now raising my children, or well, my children are in their 20s, so they're all grown up, but raise them and maybe I'm still growing up with them, I guess.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (08:02)
So I actually have a quick question. Your mom
Manasa Nadig, EA (08:05)
Yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (08:06)
would be saving for the girls wedding. Are you saving for your daughter's wedding? We have to talk about that. Yeah
Manasa Nadig, EA (08:11)
you know what? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (08:15)
Okay. so
that's really is interesting because when you think about the way we do things, now let's talk about, you know, the US,
it's not, okay, who saves for the girls wedding? Well, let me say where it come from, the groom's family pays for everything.
Manasa Nadig, EA (08:35)
Uh-uh.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (08:36)
in the US and I think it may be a little similar to what you're doing, it would be the girls parents. And so we have lots of these kind of conversations and honestly I found it challenging to raise kids here. It's a real
Manasa Nadig, EA (08:53)
Mmm.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (08:53)
struggle and maybe maybe the word I'll use is not a struggle. It's more about navigating two very different environments.
Manasa Nadig, EA (09:01)
Mm-hmm.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (09:02)
wanting
to bring up the kids with the same values that I grew up with, but also really wanting to modify some of it so they can succeed, right?
Somebody the other day, I think you and I had a conversation about this. We were talking about our identity and our identity as mothers, as immigrants, and what we figured out, what came out of the conversation. It's an ongoing conversation is that
We, like Manasa and I, who grew up in a completely different environment in another country, we identify ourselves as immigrants. But for all kids who were born in the US, this may not be the case. They identify themselves first as being US born. Nothing wrong with that. But you can already see where the challenge is coming in, where I want to teach them the way my mother taught me, but also
understanding they may not appreciate it or they're looking at it through very different lenses. And so one thing I found is
One, obviously acknowledging the differences and having lots and lots of conversations, having the willingness to be a student, like being able to look at things through their eyes, being empathetic to what they're going through, and having people like you, Manasa, you know, to talk about, I think of Manasa as my sister from my other mother, to really talk about some of the challenges that we're going through so we can get
get
through the whole mothering journey together and be able to produce, is produce the right word, know, successful kids, right? Yeah.
Manasa Nadig, EA (10:43)
yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. Yeah, no, I was,
Jane Mepham, CFP® (10:47)
I want to hear your take.
Manasa Nadig, EA (10:48)
yeah, I was going to say that is definitely, like you said, a challenge. And I think also it comes from the fact that we can see it.
you know, we can see that it's a challenge and we are ready to address it. And that's also important, I think, in my mind. And, you know, to your point earlier about saving up for the wedding, and I say this, you know what, that's not a pressure, that's just money I'm setting aside. If you wanted
Jane Mepham, CFP® (11:17)
You
Manasa Nadig, EA (11:19)
to use it for something else, it's there.
you know, or maybe not. Like it's just all mine, but it's there. You know, it's all in a piggy bank in another place in an index fund, So
Jane Mepham, CFP® (11:29)
Mm-hmm.
Manasa Nadig, EA (11:31)
well, but speaking about women who had impact on our lives, and that's mutual, there's so much I learned from you. know, really mothering women, sisterhood, children, it's just so universal.
It doesn't matter from what background you're from. There's so many things that are just above and beyond this cultural differences really. And I feel at times that even though now my children are adulting, so to speak,
Jane Mepham, CFP® (12:03)
Sure.
Manasa Nadig, EA (12:04)
yeah, but we have so much to learn from them that
We also learned from our mother. So it's really a nice and happy position to be in if you look at it that way. We have a window into the lives of millennials in Gen Z. And maybe we wouldn't have had that window if it wasn't for them or if it wasn't for the presence of a millennial or a Gen Z in your life if you not necessarily have given birth to them. But it's a great opportunity.
for me, whenever I have any younger person with me is I always talk about starting early with savings, dollar cost averaging into index
Jane Mepham, CFP® (12:49)
Hmm
Manasa Nadig, EA (12:50)
funds, putting money away into a Roth IRA or a 401k, just basically making smart money moves. Because I feel when I think about
When I came to the US, I was in my 20s. And of course, you know, I didn't have access to the kind of money that the younger people in my life now have, or my children now have. And those were completely different sets of challenges. But I can combine that with the fact that I know more about what you can do with your finances now and, you know, talk about that really. And so
Because we do that so much on this podcast, right? And so we say, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (13:31)
Right, right. I'm actually
like nodding my head vigorously, agreeing with everything you're saying as part of being... That's true, yes.
Manasa Nadig, EA (13:40)
Yes, yes, yes, we have to tell YouTube.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (13:43)
Speaking of, you know, thinking of what you had to learn and what
Manasa Nadig, EA (13:48)
Yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (13:48)
our kids have, it's such a huge difference. You were in a different country, you had to learn in a new country and...
For me, this was crystallized, I think it was in December. My daughter offered, my youngest offered to do a blog post. Yeah, and
Manasa Nadig, EA (14:01)
Yeah, that was so cute. It was one People go read
Jane Mepham, CFP® (14:05)
we'll put a link to the show notes. And she talked a lot about what she learned about money from me. And what was so interesting, I literally took lessons.
I picked up from my parents, modified them for the US. Again, we don't have a blueprint, know, do you know how to go about it? But figured if I can model the behavior, if I can use every opportunity as a learning opportunity, hopefully she will learn something. what was so interesting about the post, and I'm looking at it here, she literally went back to like six or seven years old.
And she talked about, you know, my early money memories where we talked about save, spend and give the one lesson that I thought was so interesting that she talked about it. She said money is not given but earned and went on to talk about the positive relationship she's had with money and advanced lessons. It was a whole story about all the lessons. And she also wasn't afraid to say, I still struggle with some of the money.
issues or they still so much more to learn and for me it was almost like it was a very proud moment but it also told me there's still more to be done. I shouldn't be afraid to teach them the best way that I know how even though maybe that's not how my parents may have taught me. You know what I'm saying?
Manasa Nadig, EA (15:33)
Yeah, yeah, totally. Because we are always adapting, you know.
You have a blueprint, so to speak, but it cannot be implemented just as it is because the whole set of circumstances are different. And to be very honest with you, when I go back to India now, it's no longer the India where I grew up, you know.
It's not like my friends, the women who are of my age, or the people who are of our generation, the way they are bringing up their kids, they don't have a blueprint either, but maybe culturally, geographically, they are in the same place. So how does one adapt to change? I think that's very important.
right, like especially from a money frame of mind. yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (16:27)
Yeah, yeah, I-
Manasa Nadig, EA (16:29)
Yeah, that being said, you know, I think I like, you know, I read about Maya Angelou quite a lot. And I know that Oprah Winfrey who considered Maya Angelou as one of her mother figures and
and Oprah doesn't have her own kids and she's mentored so many people
Jane Mepham, CFP® (16:50)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Manasa Nadig, EA (16:51)
that it's unbelievable. she says something, I think there's a quote that she says is biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. So that is something that I think about that, if you're lucky enough and I think you and I are, we are lucky
Jane Mepham, CFP® (17:06)
Mm-hmm.
Manasa Nadig, EA (17:06)
to have a group of people who are
Jane Mepham, CFP® (17:09)
Mm-hmm.
Manasa Nadig, EA (17:09)
friends who are now
our extended family, or you're just lucky still that your entire family is here in the US and you're all connected. But do you know, when even as outside adult figures in a young person's life, if you're a mother or an aunt or one of those people, I think it's very important to talk about money openly. My brother,
He takes his role as uncle very seriously in my children's
Jane Mepham, CFP® (17:42)
Hmm.
Manasa Nadig, EA (17:42)
lives. He's especially around career advice and money advice and all that. yeah, I think like open conversations, like you said, about money is important.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (17:54)
It's really key. And
especially when you also think about there are cultures that don't talk about money or talk about it differently. And so as mothers and as women around our kids to help our kids succeed, we really have to realize how important this is. And so as we talk to them about life, we also have to somehow overcome, you know, some of those mental
and cultural barriers that stop us from talking to kids about money, for example. And no, we don't have to have the perfect formula or the perfect blueprint. And to me,
Manasa Nadig, EA (18:33)
Mm-hmm.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (18:33)
this is really a way of celebrating motherhood in ensuring
Manasa Nadig, EA (18:37)
Mm-hmm.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (18:38)
our kids succeed in life. You know what I'm saying?
Manasa Nadig, EA (18:42)
Yeah, totally. I 100 % agree with you on that, You know, when we're talking about unconscious money scripts, I guess, that we have maybe inherited somehow. And it could be good, it could not be so great. I'm not going to say that they are bad, because, you know, each person is unique in how they look at things. But...
It's also important to, guess as mothers, to think about the influence that you have in your children's lives or in people's lives around you where you keep the channels of communication open. Maybe even talk about your challenges because then maybe you could address it together.
and maybe unravel those money scripts which are not working for you. And yeah, right.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (19:41)
Yeah, I agree. And like I said, I would say we'll see where this conversation goes. We started with
Manasa Nadig, EA (19:47)
I
Jane Mepham, CFP® (19:48)
we're celebrating motherhood because it's
Manasa Nadig, EA (19:50)
Yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (19:50)
Mother's Day and it's a great topic. And it's
Manasa Nadig, EA (19:52)
Yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (19:52)
interesting that we've come down to, you know, talking about the lessons we learned from our moms and how we can take some of those lessons. And of course,
Manasa Nadig, EA (20:02)
Yeah.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (20:02)
everybody has their own different lessons
and also now gone into manuscripts, which is really how we brought we
grew up, which goes back to, I guess, how our mothers brought us up. So I think this is an interesting topic. And my thought is, my thing is everybody can do this, right? You don't have to be an expert, suppose. So
go out and celebrate motherhood by mentoring a young person is the conclusion I'm coming down to. They could be your kids or not kid, but
It doesn't matter just go out and mentor somebody and that way you're a good womanhood or motherhood figure for them. Anything else?
Manasa Nadig, EA (20:42)
wow, I just love that idea. I just love that idea, Jane, to find
Jane Mepham, CFP® (20:49)
you
Manasa Nadig, EA (20:49)
somebody that you can mentor and maybe help out with their questions around money. And that's amazing. I love it. I think there's nothing that I can say right now that could top that, but definitely celebrating motherhood for all of those mothers, biological or not.
or mother figures or adult figures in other young children's or young people's lives. Wishing you the very, very, very happy day, Mother's Day, and hope this conversation helps you a little bit. Thanks for listening. Bye.
Jane Mepham, CFP® (21:28)
Bye.
Share this episode
The speakers' views and opinions discussed in this episode should not be considered financial, tax, or legal advice. Consult your advisor for any legal, cross-border tax, and financial advice.